The number of grand-parents raising grand-children is increasing according to the census bureau, 4 % of children were being raised by someone other than their parents, and of these 55% by their grand-parents in 2004 as opposed to 1.9 in 2001.
As I have mentioned in my About Page, I am currently raising a grand-child. It is a most rewarding endeavor but it does present some challenges that traditional families do not have to confront. In this article, you will find information on some of challenges faced by grandparent and links to agencies that can provide some help while you struggle to raise your grandchildren successfully.
For me the first challenge is the Loss of what I thought would be my traditional grandparent role. As the caregiver I had to give up being a traditional grandparent. Instead of spoiling my grandkid and sending her home with Mom and Dad, I have to be Mom and Dad. Most grandparent caregivers commonly feel sad about not being able to be a traditional grandparent. There is also sometimes some confusion about the role of the grand-parent caregiver, the grand-parent is unsure of who he or she is and the child is not always sure. Is this mom or grandma?
The second sense of loss for grand-parents raising grand-children is often that of loss of freedom. Many of us could go about as we pleased and again life has forced time and place boundaries on us that the little ones require. We have to pick up kids at school, or drive to lessons and activities.
Not fitting in with other parents is another feeling that many of us experience. We meet other parents at school or at church, but we are in a totally different social world. This can contribute to a sense of isolation and loneliness when we consider the fact that grand-parents as care givers have less time for friends. The separation from friends stems also from the fact that our friends are not in the same situation. Our responsibilities often prevent us from participating in once enjoyed social activities. It takes a concerted effort and energy to keep connected.
Energy and stamina play a role in the challenges of our newly acquired role. Many grandparents have reported they feel emotionally and physically drained. Sometimes this fatigue is compounded by the fear of not being able to do the job because we anticipate being tired.
Others have even more challenging situations, poor health, poverty, inadequate housing or transportation.
In Lawrence Kansas grand-parents raising grand-children can find some support and solace, as well as some interesting discussions in the support group facilitated by Valerie Murphy. A grand-mother who is raising her two grand-children.
As I said earlier raising grand-children presents many challenges but offers much reward and satisfaction. Love and companionship take first place for me, but we should not forget that as we get older these kids also give us a purpose for living. They are the hope for the future, from them we can also get renewed energy and optimism. I would not trade the laughter parties we share or the feeling of being appreciated that I get from my grand-child, for any of the things that I gave up when I chose her as my child.
If you are in Lawrence please join us and bring your challenges and joys of raising grand-children in Kansas.
If you need assistance please contact some of the resources below and get the help you deserve.
Click here for a fact sheet of information for grand-parents and other relatives raising children in Kansas (This article is produced by AARP).
Grandfamilies.org also has some information concerning the legal rights of grand-parents and much more.
Lawrence KS support group
Sponsors: Redeemer Lutheran Church
facilitator Valerie Murphy
Place: Redeemer Lutheran Church
Address: 2700 N. Lawrence Ave.
Phone: 785-841-2488
Day: 1st Sunday
Time: 4:00 – 5:30 p.m.
Meets: Year Round
Focus: Grandparents/Kin Raising Children
Email: murphymfs@sbcgobal.net
If you enjoyed this article or if you found it useful, or if you would like to share your story please leave me a message
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Excellent commentary on being a grandmother raising a grandchild. You bring up valid points on the challenges you and others must face. Kudos for what you are doing, but also for recognizing the positive sides and rewards.
Meriele,
An excellent article. I too have experience in raising grandchildren-two grandsons. I share in the “losses” you mention and relate. The challenges are many, and not always pleasant, but always rewarding when you know you are making a difference.
Thank you for bringing to out attention this often overlooked topic in all communities. Being a grandparent and primary care giver has challenges (and rewards) that we often do not recognize.
Scott Rowe
Thank you all for your comments.
Kate, please feel free to come to the site and leave your ideas, your challenges as others will contribute and we may be able to have an on-going discussion. If there is enough interest in this topic, I will gladly create an entirely dedicated page to the support of grand-parents raising grand-children.
Mireille
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